Joe Swanson
Police Lieutenant Joseph "Joe" Swanson is one of the main characters of Family Guy. He is a police officer, who lives on Spooner Street. He is the husband of Bonnie and the father of Kevin and Susie. Biography He is the fourth member of the group of buddies along with Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland who live on Spooner Street. He met Peter when, after just moving into Quahog, the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory needed a final member for their company baseball team. Peter knew that Joe had won many awards for playing baseball in the past; he did not know that Joe was paralyzed below the waist. However, as he does most of the time, Joe proved that this wasn't enough to stop him and he led the team to victory. He lives at 33 Spooner Street with his family. Joe received his paralyzing injury one year on Christmas. He was investigating a robbery at an orphanage in "A Hero Sits Next Door", and during a faceoff with the perpetrator, he slid off the roof tripping on a roller skate, injuring his spine and leaving him paralyzed from the waist down. He later revealed that he really was shot by Bobby Briggs when undercover at his heroin lab when he found out he was a cop in "Joe's Revenge". He would admit in the same episode that his previous story was a lie. He regained movement of his legs for a brief time in "And the Wiener is...", but his son, Kevin, accidentally ran into him, re-paralyzing him. In "Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air", he could walk again. However, everyone starts losing faith in Joe, and he paralyzes himself. However, his handicap doesn't prevent him from serving on the police force or choreographing local musicals. Joe has severe anger issues which often manifest in explosively violent outburst at random times throughout the show. An example of this is beating his son Kevin in a blind rage to the point Kevin had to live with a foster family, and shooting the left overs of his 16oz steak then turning the gun on his friends after being mocked for not being able to finish it in "The Fat Guy Strangler". Joe is arguably the best hand to hand fighter in the entire show. Despite his condition, it has been seen on numerous occasions that he is able to completely overwhelm other characters who are accomplished fighters in their own right such as Lois Griffin, A Black Belt and Peter, known for long violent battles with Ernie The Giant Chicken. Joe has also shown the ability to easily take on multiple enemies at once such as his encounter a large number of armed midgets in "The Thin White Line" and Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland in "Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air". In "Da Boom" it is shown that despite the lower part of his body being melted into his driveway, Joe is perfectly able to fight and defeat a giant mutated rat. However, Joe is not unbeatable. While controlling the Crippletron in "No Meals on Wheels", he was taken down by Stewie Griffin at least in part due to his small size and agility. In "Joe's Revenge, he lost the upper hand in a fight to Bobby Briggs, and only managed to recover through quick thinking on his part. Quotes :"Let's do it!" :"Bring it on!" :"Bring on the pain!" :"This is stupid, I WANNA TALK ABOUT VAGINAS!" :"Rock 'n' Roll! :"GET SOME! GET SOME!" :"THE SEXUAL THRILL!" :"You're getting SLACKS!" : Sarah Are you alright!" Trivia *In "A Hero Sits Next Door", it was revealed that the reason he was crippled was because he fell off an orphanage building in a fight with The Grinch. **However, in "Joe's Revenge", this was retconned, when Joe told a different story. It turns out, Bobby Briggs, the only criminal who's ever "gotten away" from Joe, shot him in the spine, paralyzing him. To this day, he still vows to find that guy and put him to his long-time-coming justice. *Originally, the friend circle was just Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland. Joe didn't join the circle until somewhere in the second season, having needed to get on the guys' good side first. *Under his clothes, Joe wears a colostomy bag, or as he and Bonnie call it, a "poop sack" at all times. Whenever it gets full, Bonnie has to change it, like she's changing a baby's diaper. **This was referenced in many episodes. In "Brian the Bachelor", Joe yelled "Doodie!" and Bonnie called out to him "Hold on, Joe, I'm doing the dishes. I'll change you in a minute.". In "Back to the Woods", Peter told James Woods to take off all his clothes and awaited for his removal of the poop sack. To his surprise, James Woods didn't wear poop sacks and he yelled to Bonnie "Dammit, Bonnie! You lied about the poop sack!", implying that Bonnie had told Joe he's normal and everyone wears poop sacks. In "Dial Meg for Murder", he attacked the run away convict, Lucas and then laughed at him because he apparently shit his pants in fear, Lucas assured him he didn't and Joe came to the realization that the shitty sensation was just his own poop sack leaking on him. *Joe has received many phone calls from Peter insulting him about his disability, though he cannot figure out who it is, no matter how unwittingly obvious Peter makes it. *He is the only person on Spooner Street who actually pays for his family's cable and wi-fi. Every other house on Spooner Street steals their connection from him. *In "Peter's Progress", Joe is said to have been an octopus in a past life, and the octopus had its legs eaten off by a shark. Fortunately for the Octopus-Joe, the severed legs of an octopus can grow back, another reference to his legs. *The only immediate Griffins Joe has not arrested yet are Brian, Stewie and Chris. In "Lois Kills Stewie", he pursues Stewie for attempted murder, however this too was only a simulation. He has in fact arrested Meg twice, in "Untitled Griffin Family History" and "Dial Meg for Murder". In "Burning Down the Bayit" he arrests Peter on charges of arson and arrested Lois for shoplifting in "Breaking Out is Hard to Do". Brian has been arrested for pot possession in "420", and although Joe was not the arresting officer, he did have to submit Brian to a random urine test. *In each part of Laugh It Up Fuzzball: The Family Guy Trilogy, he plays a different character. In Blue Harvest, he played Biggs Darklighter, a member of the Rebel Alliance. In Something, Something, Something, Dark Side, he played an Imperial Probe Droid. In It's A Trap!, he played Jabba the Hutt, as they share immobility without aid from other sources. *Peter shoots out Joe's eye in "Lottery Fever"; Joe later replaces it with a glass eye. *To escape Peter and Evelyn at the Drunken Clam in "Mom's the Word", Joe announces that he was saving the very last time he could walk for Susie's wedding day but uses it to leave them instead. Category:Characters Category:Main Characters Category:Male Category:Major Characters Category:Spooner Street Neighbors Category:Residents of Quahog Category:Lawful Neutral Category:Abuse Victims Category:Handicapped Category:Police Officers Category:Caucasians Category:Christians Category:Fathers Category:Drunken Clam Friend Circle Category:Alcoholics Category:Swanson Family Category:Adults Category:Heroes Category:Married Category:Cripples Category:Buzz Kills Category:Middle Class Citizens Category:Voices of Reason